Down but not out!

July 23

Well God chose to answer all the prayer for today with even lower blood counts than last week 😌. Yes we were praying for them to increase, even to normal! And in His omnipotence, He absolutely could have as there is not a single maverick molecule in the universe out of His sovereign control. I mean, come on, He can make the dead alive! Both physically & spiritually! Boosting blood cell production in my bone marrow to increase my counts would be nothing for Him! Chemo is no match for the almighty Creator & Sustainer of all life! And in His omniscience, He knows our every thought & every word before it’s on our lips, and Is ever attentive to the prayers of His people as a father to His beloved children. He promises us so! But in His incomparable, faithful love for me, He chose to answer that way. We don’t always know why but we know and can fully trust the Who behind the what of every answer even when it’s not what we want. “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4 That doesn’t mean He’ll give me the desires of my sinful, selfish, short-sighted heart, but He’ll replace them, giving me His good & perfect desires instead!

How He’s proven Himself over & over in my life and the lives of so many who have come before me! So thankful to have parents who read & taught us the Bible, Gods Word, where He reveals who He is and who we are in light of that. Because of that, I can confidently trust a puzzling present, an adverse diagnosis, less-than-great labs & an unknown future to a known God! 

Well they’d already accessed my port to draw the labs (I don’t have to go in 2 days before to have them drawn with this round), but it was doubtful I’d be getting the infusion as the numbers dropped even more from last time. The nurse called the doc with the results and he wanted to still proceed. Yes I’m a nurse but no I’m not a great patient. We had plans to head up north right after my infusion to visit my inlaws, who we hadn’t seen since pre-Covid, pre-cancer, in beautiful Tahoe, one of my favorite places!! And all of our activities are outside in the fresh, clean mountain air! My usual MO would have been to just proceed with our plans too. I really didn’t want to ask the doctor bc i figured I’d get a negative answer. Ignorance is bliss, right?! But I knew I needed his answer as a “yes” for my husband or a “no” for me. Well he surprised me again with another yes!! Yay!! Excited but aware I need to put my “nurse hat”on & be a good patient too. I’m at high risk to contract an infection that my body isn’t equipped to fight off & miles & hours away from my normal medical providers (but minutes away from the little mountain hospital where I was taken after my epic collision skiing with father in law!) Im praying my body would stay strong and healthy despite the beating it’s getting! And that I’d be wise & disciplined to take care of it!