July 9
Well I’m sitting in the waiting room of the infusion clinic at the Leonard Cancer Center waiting to go in for my first of 12 rounds of my next cancer-killing chemotherapy drug. Honestly at this moment it feels a little surreal, a little unsettling thinking of letting them dump toxic drugs directly into the main vein that empties into my heart. Am I really here? Am I really (having to) doing this? How am I going to react to this one? God was so gracious to me during the first round, allowing me to fare so well, deal with minimal side effects and maintain stellar blood counts! Will it be the same with this one? The possible side effects are different with this one so I get premeditated with IV Benadryl (vs the strong triple dose anti-nausea meds and steroids I got with the first chemo “cocktail”, as they call it) to prevent an allergic reaction as that is common. They’ll infuse this first round slowly in order to carefully watch for & treat a “shortness of breath, flushing, facial swelling, difficulty breathing, closing up of the throat, hives” or any other allergic reaction.
How my day started off I’m sure is contributing to why I’m feeling off. I woke up at 6-6:30 (sleeping in according to my pre-COVID, pre-cancer days😊), started the “wake up process” with Brody, then started laundry. I say “process” because that’s exactly what it is, & the earlier it is the longer the process takes. (I can’t get the kid to go to sleep at night so mornings are NOT his friend...except maybe if he’s getting up to surf). We were planning to get to the DMV b4 they opened to get a good spot in the line-up & so as not to be there til they closed...but that didn’t happen. We did actually make it up to the front, through the first phase of waiting, registration & parent signatures before I had rush to my 10:30 appt (at closer to 11!) & leave Brody there to wait on his own. I dropped him off at Subway to get some “brain food” & walk back as he had at least an hour b4 he was “up” to take the test. As I’m flying up the freeway to the “Poison Palace”, I realize I have the dog in the car, don’t have the cream to numb my port site for the poke (thought I’d have time to go home b4 my appt), didn’t give Brody the check to pay for or the proof of residence he needed to take the test he’d wait 6 hours to take! Humbly & reluctantly I called in (not without some tears)the necessary reinforcement- my dear (& very busy) hubby! He dropped his duties at work to rush down & pick up our pooch from the hot car & bring the necessary items to our son at the demanding DMV before the deadline! Ugh. It weighed heavy on my heart that I added that extra burden to his already full plate & added extra pain to my plate with an un-numbed port...all bc of my poor-planning & forgetfulness (is this where I can claim “chemo brain”?!)
...BUT GOD (love that powerful phrase!) was so gracious to give me a loving, gracious, support partner who was more concerned about my wellbeing than my shortcomings, a gentle nurse who accessed my port promptly & painlessly (as possible), a reaction-free infusion, a sweet sister to talk to during the infusion & encourage me to just rest...physically in the recliner with warm blankets & ice on my elevated, injured ankle & spiritually in loving arms of my Heavenly Father and a dear friend to drive all the way up to LAX with me (after my IV Benadryl) to pick up my niece flying in for a visit! And a friend randomly texts me to tell about a fun, crazy “God connection” that a mutual friend she was with just tied our family to. Then she says “oh and I think I saw Brody at the San Clemente DMV. Was that him? Does he need a ride home?” Yes, yes & yes!! Yes, it was him! And yes, he’d love a ride home (as would his mama who was trying to figure out that piece of the puzzle as I had to zoom straight up to LAX to get my youngest son & niece flying in), & yes, God is good!! He’s got the whole world in His hands!! I need not worry, just pray, trust & obey!! And watch His handiwork! It’s quite amazing & entertaining to behold!
“And my God will supply every need according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. To our God and Father be glory forever and ever. Amen.”
Philippians 4:19-20
“for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.”
Matthew 6:8
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
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